Finding the Comfort in Discomfort with DEI Conversations

Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash

As a leader, have you had to have a conversation with a staff person about something they said or did that would be considered a microaggression (a verbal or behavioural indignity towards a marginalized individual or group)? For example, did they say something that would be considered to reflect a racial or gender bias towards a colleague? That can be a tough conversation to have and one that a leader may be inclined to avoid; but avoiding it won’t make the situation go away and most likely will lead to a toxic work environment, especially for marginalized staff. Here are some tips that can help you to have the tough conversation.

Prepare. You may want to start by writing out the key points you want to cover and even scripting some of it. This will help you to plan how you want to approach the conversation and mentally guide it. Your organization may have resources to pull from (e.g. the DEI Committee) and/or you may have a mentor who can help you with your key points and script.

Use empathy and respect. When having the conversation with your staff person, always, always use empathy and respect. Most people get defensive with these types of conversations, which is only natural. Using language with empathy and respect will help to diffuse the tension and give comfort to both you and the other person. Give the staff person space to provide a response, ask them about their reflections on the situation and where they may feel they may need to make changes. Again, use an empathetic tone in the conversation.

You can’t control how the message will land. Take comfort in knowing that you won’t be able to control how the message will land with the other person, but you can control your own reaction. If you find the staff person is very defensive and doesn’t seem open to the conversation despite your best efforts, take a deep breath and know that you are trying your best. Conversations like these require practice! It might come to a point where things get too tense and you need to end the conversation -- that is okay. Perhaps try to reschedule the conversation after a few days. If the second conversation doesn’t go well, you may want to draw upon the HR team or get outside expertise to help you have these conversations. As you gain practice over time, you will reach a point where you feel comfortable with the inevitable discomfort.

These are just a few strategies and tips. I hope they have been helpful. Do you have any questions? Reach out, comment on the post on LinkedIn, or book a call. We would love to hear from you!